i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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