Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
