Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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