Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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