Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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