i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
being pregnant is like rehab
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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