Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
