My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
