He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am puke
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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