Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
