The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
