I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
