Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
