we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
