wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
