I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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