I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You made out with two different species that night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
