11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
