She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
