He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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