i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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