her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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