All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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