dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
