You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Randomize
