I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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