I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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