My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
