I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
