I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
