The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
