it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
