We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Randomize
