Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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