Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize