My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
