all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
