New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
