You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
