I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
