Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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