drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
