Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
