Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
