Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
