literally had 100 drinks last night.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
