I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
