If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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