i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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