It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
