Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
