I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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