literally had 100 drinks last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
