How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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