He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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