If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
