i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
