Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
