I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
