I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
