It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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