Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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