Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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