For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we're making bets on your personal life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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