ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
